Kosmonat Part 4: Cassini
by spaceacemeko
Summary: "Do you have any idea of what causes it?" Lance asks seriously. He is still iffy, but if Keith is going through all of this, this is a big deal and needs support. Keith nods. "I think... Lance, you can't tell anyone." When Keith looks up, his eyes are glossy and tear-ridden. Lance shuts his mouth, ready to argue that the others needed to know. "No, no one."


_It's cold._

 _That's the one thing he recognizes he feels. Cold. His lungs are filled with liquid he can breathe. There are shocks running through him, around him, in the liquid he's suspended in. The shocks warm him for a few ticks before the cold seeps back into him. He is breathing, deep inhalations, deeper exhales to push out the liquid in his lungs that started getting heavy, thick._

 _He feels his body being removed from the liquid and he coughs up whatever was in his lungs._

 _But he can't breathe outside of the liquid. The air around him feels like it's crushing down on his lungs. It was only after the next shock that ran through him that he sucked in a deep breath of air. The chill from the air left goosebumps on his skin. It spread from his lungs and tingled out to the top of his skin._

 _Keith hears muffled voices talking but he can't understand yet._

 _This was it._

 _The time he survived._

* * *

Keith sucks in a slow breath as his eyes open, blinking slowly.

It's night time. That's new.

Keith sits up, looking at his desk to the bobble headed astronaut propping up his calendar to a circled date in red marker.

Confusion sets in as he furrows his brow and steps out of bed to his desk, turning on the small reading light.

He... Was sent back?

* * *

The rest of the hours until morning had been uneventful, except for the creeping panic underneath his skin, now mixed with confusion. He hadn't lived through the entirety of S-2, hadn't faced Haggar, so why was he thrown back?

 _How_ had he been sent back?

The morning went on with just that thought as he squished himself under the desk with his blanket wrapped tight around him like a security blanket. He stares past the chair and to the door, expecting it to burst open and for Haggar to be there, laughing at him in that cringing tone.

Last night the Kerberos crew was sent into space. Keith had circled it many times with notes to make sure he watches the podcast. He still remembers the take-off, fresh in his mind.

Idly he wonders if S-2 was just a dream? Or if the blast from the simulator just hurt his head and he was taken to his room. He knows that's not true. And he wasn't sure _how_ it happened, but he knows that was Haggar's magic infected the simulator. Somehow she managed to get him _before_ he even met her.

Keith hugs the blanket closer to himself, ears picking up the slightest movements from the rooms next door and the shuffling of students in the hall. On closer inspection, his hair is the same as the last time he saw it. Plentiful white hairs, obvious against his normal raven black.

He thought and thought past the first two periods of class. Only getting up after his butt had gotten too numb. Keith is slow and sluggish in his movements as he goes to his tiny connected bathroom and gets ready.

The uniform feels even bigger, he wonders if it even fit him before he got kicked out.

* * *

It has to be the _magic_ , Keith reasons. The use of it, no matter how small, revealed him to those who can read energies. It revealed him to Haggar. Haggar tried to kill him. Of course, the only time she hadn't tried was when he was on the Galra's side.

As Keith strolls in late to class, all eyes turned on him. He paid no attention as he goes to take his assigned seat, eyes forward but not focusing. He lets the chill he felt in his dream clutch at his heart and provides a sick comfort.

At least now he knew the significance of that unregistered, empty ship devoid of any and all life besides Haggar. The significance of that large container of refined quintessence. The sparks that run along his skin and the many lives he's lived, the families he's been with.

Subconsciously Keith scratches at his left hand, leaving streaks of red from blunt nails. When class is excused, he loiters a few minutes to let the other students pass. It was a half day, so now more classes. Keith takes a shuddering breath, his hands are shaking. The implications of the realization leave growing apprehension, pushing through his veins and expanding outward in hard pulses.

Keith is finding it hard to suck in air second by second, fingers twitching as he walks briskly down the hall. He has to pass the common space where student hang out to make it back to his room. He was almost past the threshold when he hears Lance's voice filter through the noise of students and before he knew it his legs were weaving between students.

"You're the most beautiful girl in the whole world, and I ain't _lyin'_." Lance is grinning despite the redhead grimacing at his pick-up line; he's leaning against the wall, trying to be smooth.

And Keith is heading straight for him, regardless of the people who part for him, despite Lance's stupid little grin turning into a disappointed scowl when the red head's attention is on Keith. His mouth opens, standing straight as he was getting ready for a fight. And Keith does not stop until his face is in Lance's chest and his arms are wound tight around his torso.

Keith tries to breathe in his scent as discreetly as he can, covering it up with a deep breath and then a large sigh like he was tired of everything. Which really, he was. He smelled of fresh linen and faint cologne, just something that smells of _Lance._ His fingers stop shaking and he loosens his grip on Lance's uniform.

Lance has his arms raised and decidedly _off and away_ from Keith, like he wanted everyone to know he was _not_ hugging him back. Everyone is suspiciously quiet and Keith needs to take another breath before willing himself away from the comfort of Lance's heat. He tries not to sniffle and blinks away the excess liquid as he steps back and drops his hands back to his sides.

"Sorry..." He murmurs, his eyes are trained on the floor. "Just wanted a hug.." Keith realizes this was odd to say out of the blue, taking another step back before pivoting on his heel and continues on his way.

For a moment, the disquiet is quelled and it's easier to breathe.

 _"Are you two.. dating?"_ Keith hears the redhead ask, voice high in pitch. The same time Hunk is asking, _"bro, what just happened?"_

Keith is locked in his room, curled up in his covers and knocked out seconds after he fell on his bed.

* * *

Keith really shouldn't rely on other people, especially constantly, when he was having mental issues. But having someone to lean on and support him was nice, especially when it was bad. They didn't need to talk, or say sweet-nothings to make him feel better. They just needed to be next to him.

Lance just needed to _be_ and he could calm himself down.

It might take a while, but the repetitive motion of his hand rubbing his back was comforting. The heat of his body warming his stiff hands. Keith would literally melt against him.

That was why he couldn't stop himself from stalking down the hall through the crowd of students, keeping an ear out for Lance's voice. He hears the students whisper and he ignores them, gossip wasn't something he was interested in. After walking aimlessly on a Saturday noon, he finally hears it.

Lance is flirting with another girl, trying to put on extra charm. Keith thinks it might have something to do with the hug and the whispers. When Lance spots him, walking straight to him like a man on a mission. Which really, he was. Lance steps a step back, hands up in surrender.

Keith is aware he shouldn't hug him out of nowhere a second time. So, instead, he wraps a hand around Lance's arm and drags him away. Lance is trying to wiggle out of his grasp and if he really tried, he could. Keith was not holding on tight. It was a gentle pressure he used. Keith isn't sure what he was really doing, but he just _needed_ this. Needed _someone_.

Keith just wants it to be Lance.

Keith takes him behind the stairs. He remembers Lance calming him down the first day he was back, the hand on his neck warm and imposing.

Lance looks nervous, clenching and unclenching his hands at his sides, not meeting his eyes when Keith looks at him. There was a blush across the bridge of his nose and cheeks.

"W-what do you want?" Lance is weird when he slouches, he's now leaning bodily back against the wall, trying for nonchalant. It's cute. Keith thinks he should be more nervous, but he isn't. But Lance is. Honestly, he's never seen him this nervous before. Except maybe in S-1 when it was awkward.

Keith licks his lips before taking a step closer, carefully lifts his hands and rests them on top of Lance's chest. His blush is worse now as Keith steps forward, lightly pressing against him. He's giving him a chance to say no. Well, he would stop at any point if Lance didn't want it at any time.

"U-uh, Keith..?" Lance's voice is high, nervous and unsure. Keith just focuses on the heat emanating from his body under his fingertips and along the front of his body. Lance keeps his hands flat against the wall, not wanting to accidentally touch Keith in a way he wouldn't like. Lance was always so considerate.

Keith sighs and smooths his hands around Lance's side. He squirms when it slides past a ticklish spot and curls around his sides.

"Lance," Keith murmurs softly, face tucked into Lance's neck. Lance was a half inch taller than him at the moment. It must be that Keith grows to be about his height before Lance outgrows him a year or so from now. He's still stiff against Keith, but now his hands are raised back in their mock surrender and slowly, very slowly, they come to rest at Keith's back, giving odd little pats. Keith smiles, lifting his head but ultimately keeping them close together. "I like you."

* * *

Lance was going to die. Right now. His heart was ramming hard against the inside of his chest and he swears he stopped breathing the second Keith stepped into his bubble and pressed his body up against him. It was oddly chilly against his own and though he can feel Keith's body it doesn't feel like it's _there_. Like he could evaporate at any moment. Or it was just Lance about to pass out because he had been holding his _breath_ like an idiot.

Lance forces himself to take a breath, gulping down saliva as he replays the scene behind the stairwell. His mind is a series of question marks and the weird mental noise that comes along with it. He's nervous, because well, it's _Keith_. It's not like he's a virgin but, ya know, it's _Keith_.

Keith, the golden boy of the Garrison, top of their class. Keith, who hadn't even so much as glanced in his direction before and probably didn't know he existed. Keith, the cute boy who's uniform didn't fit quite right and was mostly spacing out.

That same Keith was holding his hand and leading them to his dorm.

Lance had never in his life been propositioned so boldly. It left his head spinning. When Keith dragged him out to the stairwell, he thought that maybe he would try and instigate a fight, not..

" _Can we sleep together?"_

Lance blushes more, feeling silly at trying to hide along the wall. It's not like they weren't allowed to walk around. It was a weekend and they were, but now he just felt like he needed to, he doesn't know, sneak around? Because they _were_ going to be up to some non-policy stuff. Keith's strides are short but purposeful; he doesn't seem to mind if anyone would see them holding hands or him leading Lance away.

 _Oh my god.. Has Keith_ done _this before?_

The thought has Lance blushing more and he breathes through his nose to calm himself down. Keith takes him through the dormitory doors that lead to the singles rooms. To _Keith's_ room. Lance had a hard time saying no to the (maybe) unintentionally pleading eyes when Keith proposes _his_ room. Because, one, no. Two, he has a roommate, so that's like, double no. He doubts Hunk would be okay with uh... yeah.. Three, he-.. Well, that was really only it. Well, it was only one, which Hunk might just waltz in none-the-wiser. One was okay, obviously, as he was following Keith up the stairs and down the last hall.

Lance has a small backpack filled with extra clothes for the next day and essential things. The only way he had managed for Keith to agree to go to Keith's room was for him to spend the night. That was.. .cute. Like oddly cute? Usually one night stands were typically... well, one night and gone by morning? Was this going to become a _thing_ for them, then? On occasion? But Keith told him he liked him.

He was just so confused about the events that followed.

It was near supper time when Lance stepped out of the borrowed shower and debated on putting on fresh clothes. They were gonna come off anyway, right? Well, undressing was part of the fun, he reasoned. He dries his hair and puts on some loose clothing and takes a breath to steady himself. Keith was probably already rearing and waiting to go. Lance pushed away the imaginative picture of Keith lying across his bed, blankets a mess.

Now was not a time for fantasy. The real thing was behind the bathroom door in the tiny single dormitory.

Lance takes another breath and steps out, turning off the light behind him. His steps are light against the floor, tiptoeing his way back to the bed.

Keith is _not_ spread across the bed in invitation, instead quietly sitting at the edge near his desk and flicking the astronaut's head. He looks to Lance when he hears him come near, and smiles. His hair is still damp from his shower, curling at the ends and leaving a wet spot along the ring of his shirt.

Lance takes the few steps to the bed confidently, leaving his backpack with essentials for later near the head of the bed for easy access and climbs in with a grin. It probably looked awkward, he realizes, because he was still nervous and unsure. Keith dips under the covers as well, lights turned off. Lance is waiting for him to take the lead, to do anything. Instead of what Lance expects, Keith latches onto his side and has an arm around his waist, head resting on Lance's shoulder.

Lance is confused until he thinks _this_ is what Keith meant. He didn't mean sleep as in _sex_ he meant literally _sleep_. And here he was, all prepared with _embarrassing_ things in his backpack because of a _misunderstanding_. His heart beats faster, and hope as he might that Keith doesn't hear it, he does...

"Your heart's beating really fast." Keith comments softly, ear pressed to his chest as he listens. His hand is clutching at the fabric of his shirt. Lance opens his mouth to lie his way out of the situation.

"It's just, I thought we were gonna-" Lance covers his mouth, red all the way from his chest to the tips of his ears. Well _fuck_. Keith is sitting up, a blush on his own cheeks. But he doesn't look disgusted at the idea. Only surprised? Keith purses his lips, wetting them with his tongue. Keith's hand moves to rub at his hip before his body starts to shift. His movements are slow, his leg is lifted up and over Lance's hips and as Keith straddles his waist, providing barely relieving pressure to his growing need- he's a bit embarrassed the situation was getting to him before anything even _started_ \- the blankets pool down behind him.

"We can if you want." His voice is so gentle and soft and Lance has to gulp down saliva. He came here with that in mind, because that's what he thought Keith was asking for but.. If it wasn't..

"I mean, we don't have too. My mind kind of went straight to the gutter-" Keith chuckles a little at this, smiling. "I don't want you to feel pressured or anything just because I want too." Keith pauses, seeming to think for only a second.

"I want to."

"Y-you do?"

Keith nods, leaning his body down along Lance's until their faces are close together. Lance's heart picks up its pace tenfold when Keith leaned his face closer, noses brushing against each other in a very deliberate Eskimo kiss before lips covered his own. His hands felt awkward just lying at his sides and he carefully and slowly slid them up and over Keith's knees to rest at his thighs, watching for any uncertainty.

But Keith showed none. Nor did he show any urgency to get it over with, either. Not with the way his hands mapped out Lance's chest, his neck, down his sides. Every kiss was slow and exploring, going further. Even though Lance was still nervous, this unhurried, languid pace Keith is setting is helping him to calm down.

Keith seems okay with his hands stroking up his thighs, his sides and back. Lance hesitates when his fingers dance at the fringe of his sweater before dipping under. Keith sucks in a breath that made Lance pause, waiting for a signal to stop. Keith only released it in a breathy sigh, kissing him again as his tongue swiped against Lance's lips. Lance opens his mouth, gliding his wet tongue along Keith's as his hands slide further up his sweater, feeling the expanse of muscles and taunt, soft skin.

Lance pulls away from the kiss, panting softly before pulling Keith's sweater off his head and deposits it on the floor next to the bed. In the dark, only illuminated by the waning moon through half closed blinds, Keith looked ethereal. His pale skin _glowing_ in the dark, marred by a few tiny scars from childhood. His dark hair framing his face and thin neck in tendrils of growing shadows, only to be highlighted by the odd white hairs littering his hair.

Lance sits up, mouth going straight for the column of skin graced with scattered beauty marks. Keith's arms are wrapped around Lance's back, head tilted back to give Lance as much skin as he wanted to reach, breath hitching. By the time Keith has his shirt bunched up at his shoulders; Lance has already left a series of bruises along his neck. Lance doesn't want to let go from where he had his arms wound tight around Keith's body, nails pressing into his sides as if to anchor them to the moment.

But Keith is panting, chest heaving against Lance's lips, and his eyes are saying _more_. Lance relents, only giving enough space to rid himself of his shirt before his arms are back against the barely warm skin. The little noises he makes are definitely providing Lance with confidence at what he was doing. Hands being bolder, groping around as Keith threads his fingers through his hair and _tugs_ just a right amount to have him groaning.

Keith is pulling his head back for more kissing, eyes dark and half-lidded, pupils blown wide with obvious _want_. Lance makes the mistake of pinning him to the wall, Keith's back hitting with an audible thump and not two moments later there was a bang from the room next door.

They both freeze, looking at each other in alarm. Lance is thinking this is a _really_ bad idea and that they should stop because _holy shit_ are those walls thin.

Then Keith smiles and moves them back to the middle of the bed, legs still straddling Lance's hips like there was no place he'd rather be.

"I-isn't this not a good idea?" Lance is whispering, afraid to attract any more attention. The _bad_ kind of attention. The one where a teacher is gonna come by and find them _like this_ and expel them from school. Keith's grin is coy and mischievous and so help Lance if that doesn't just shoot all his blood _south_. The look was so much different from the usually stoic and aloof expression of the best student in class that he almost forgot this was Keith.

Keith was looking at _him_ that way. The want, the warmth and the love he showed. All for _Lance_. He might be going crazy. Keith brings his fingers to Lance's mouth.

"Shh," He murmurs softly, making Lance's blood boil like lava. There was _no way_ Keith _hadn't_ done this before. But he wasn't about to ask now and ruin everything. Keith is kissing him as he rolls his hips down in a rhythmic pattern, eating up the noises he made, stifling them.

Keith was a _real tease_. Or, maybe he was just waiting for Lance to take the lead? But he still wanted to ride? Lance, despite his current condition, was still nervous. Keith's moans and reactions kept him confident, but he was still nervous. Carefully, his hands hook under the waistband of Keith's pants and every so slowly started to tug them down. Keith doesn't stop him and he takes it as a good thing when Keith raises his hips off his need. They maneuver around until Keith is completely nude, only now becoming a bit bashful. He wasn't naked alone for long as Lance took the initiative to get rid of his sweats and boxers in one go.

Keith is back in his lap, pressed flush against him as Lance squeezes him close, enjoying how his chilled skin created goosebumps against his own until Keith became comfortably warm, sounding little moans into his ear that made his blood pump harder.

"Are you nervous?" Keith asks, lips ghosting against the shell of his ear. It made him shiver, licking his own lips as Keith pulls just a few inches away to look at him. Probably to make sure Lance was okay with this, he assumes, by the way Keith is looking carefully at him. Lance tries to not let it show too much as he shakes his head. He grins, trying to get the upper hand.

"Are you?" Keith worried his bottom lip.

"A little.." He whispers. It floors Lance. He wasn't expecting such an honest answer from someone who (although probably unintentionally) sought him out. When Lance's eyebrows shoot up in surprise, Keith blushes so dark that he could see it with the dim light. His eyes look to the side, a slight pout on his lips. "Are you gonna make fun of me now?" That broke Lance out of his stupor.

"No!" Lance says a little too loudly before lowering his voice to a whisper. "Sorry, I mean, no... I won't.." Keith is still very much interested, but he was still looking away. "I was just... Surprised.. You didn't seem very shy before." Finally, Keith looks back, nibbling on his lip again. He grabs one of Lance's hands to bring to his chest, palm flat against his breast. Lance could feel the hammering of his heart against it and he stares for a moment.

Keith really _was_ nervous. Or it could be excitement. Maybe both? Lance was both.

"Don't worry.." Lance is murmuring, leaning forward to plant a kiss over the beating of his heart. "I'll be gentle." When he looks up Keith is watching him, smile back on his face.

"I know."

It was a little heartwarming to be so entirely trusted by someone. At least, that was what Keith made him feel like by the tone of his voice and body language. He trusted Lance not to hurt him, trusted him to take care of him. It made him feel like he would be forgiven for any stupid bedroom faux pas he could make.

Lance is about to grab his bag of essentials before Keith grinds down on his lap. He purses his lips to stop the moan, feeling Keith's skin slide along his and providing the much welcomed friction.

"Keith, wait.." He whispers, stilling his hips. Keith furrows his brows as he reaches over to his bag to pull out what he needs. Keith watches his hands intently as they squeeze out a viscous liquid onto his fingers, tilting his head at it in curiosity and looking like he wants to ask. "Lube.. And condoms." He says, feeling oddly shy again. The bottle is dropped next to the pillow behind him just in case it is needed later, and his arms are back around Keith, pulling him close.

Keith sighs at the contact, jolting just a little at the cool gel when it touches him. Lance bites his lip, feeling the scratch of nails along his back as he spreads his fingers inside the tight heat. A few minutes later and Keith is a mess, mewling into his ear, rolling his hips down with purposeful pressures that have Lance barely holding onto his sanity. He gulps when he pulls his fingers out, replaced by his eager need in seconds.

Lance's hand tremble as his fingers fan out around Keith's hips, lifting him up and pausing. Keith's chest is heaving with desperate breaths, leaning down when he noticed Lance watching him to kiss him deeply and let himself sink _down_. There was so much _pressure_ from all around, even as Keith takes some calming breaths and tries to relax his taut muscles.

Then he's moving. Keith's rocking his hips in a sensual tug until they meet again, keeping this leisure love-making pace. Lance's hands are guiding his hips around, listening intently to the change in voice pitch or breath. How when he thrust up at an angle Keith gasped, teeth clamping down on his ear lobe and moaning softly, a shudder wracking his body. Lance thought Keith might actually pierce his lobe but _goddamn_ was his hot breath that rolled over his ears and neck was definitely welcomed.

Lance's breath labored, he bit his lip. Being quiet was something he could do, but Keith was having a hard time stifling his moans as he pressed his mouth against Lance's neck and hoped his skin and muscle absorbed the sound waves. Keith was so vocal, like he couldn't stop singing his praise at how _good_ it felt.

Lance didn't want to stop.

* * *

The heat trapped under the duvet relaxes him; Lance's body covered his, the blanket pulled up to his neck, burying Keith entirely under it as he had his face shoved in Lance's chest. Their legs are tangled together, Lance is snoring softly, one hand threaded through Keith's hair like it was to keep him from moving too far.

In this moment, Keith could think with the heat dissuading the ice cold building panic. He'd always known he was different from other people. At first, he didn't know why he always felt different. After he realized his alien ancestry, he knew a little bit as to why. But now he knew the biggest difference between him and the flesh body pressed up against his skin.

Unlike Lance, he wasn't _born_ , he was _created._

It was what was making Keith curl up in his blankets, clutching at his head, just trying to get his head around just that idea.

Keith was _created_. He was Haggar's _experiment_. It was no wonder that rebel Galra not being his father made sense. He remembers the figure because that was who _took_ him from Haggar. Sent him to earth and put a glamour spell on him to look human. How he'd just been plopped right into civilization and had been living among _humans_ for centuries, alone, never knowing. Always seeming to _forget._

 _Created_ to be a monster. _Created_ like a fucking lab rat.

Those _other lives_ weren't reincarnations. Those were _him_. Attempts at creating _Keith_. When those attempts failed, he was thrown back into the quintessence to be melted and recreated. The raw quintessence was his very being, a primordial soup with DNA from Haggar and another donor. And every time he was pulled apart atom by atom, the memories stayed mixed in with the atoms of quintessence.

Once upon a time Keith had a different name.

Lotor.

Lotor was supposed to be Zarkon's heir. He was to be Haggar's greatest weapon. He was to take the throne after Zarkon is done with his reign.

Keith couldn't wrap around the fact that his _parents_ were the two most diabolical, monstrous beings in the entire universe.

Keith breathes in a deep breath, his lungs filling up with Lance's scent. He exhales slowly, squirming closer to him. As long as he kept breathing deep and stayed close to the warm body next to him, he could calm himself down enough. He feels the energy at his fingertips, begging to be used and manipulated but he chose not to. He _can't_. Not if he doesn't want to cut his shift short like last time.

Lance had been asleep for the better part of the last hour, every once in awhile he would grumble in his sleep and crush Keith closer and then relax. Keith smiles, pulled from the confines of his mind to a pleasant place.

Breathe in, hold, breathe out.

Keith falls asleep soon after, relishing in the soreness in his lower back and the heat that spread through him.

* * *

Lance wakes up in the morning with a pleasant soreness in his muscles, a tingle of pain across his back from where Keith had scratched for purchase. And that was the thought that woke him up the most, catching himself mid-yawn for his eyes to dart down to the body tucked practically under him at his side. Dark raven hair a glorious, tangled mess. Lance's cheek flare up with a blush when he moves and feels skin against his own, Keith's arm around his waist. Flushing darker when he sees the _very_ obvious hickeys dancing along Keith's shoulder and neck, some too far up on his pale skin to be covered by clothes.

Hoooo boy.

Lance carefully tries to move out of the bed, only to have Keith whine and his nails scrape against his back as they twitch and pull him closer, Keith nosing his way into the crevice of Lance's shoulder. Lance freezes, waiting until the tension leaves Keith's body. When he tries again Keith's reaction is the same and he huffs, giving up. Settling on playing with the mess of Keith's hair and trying to discreetly pull out the tangles, he wonders how Keith would react when he wakes up.

Keith was the one to instigate, but maybe it was just high emotions and he'd kick him out once he came to?

Lance sighs. He wouldn't have to wait for long, as the minutes drag on Keith starts to move. Squirming to hide his face from the lights before finding it fruitless. The way he scrunched up his face was adorable. Keith looks up at him and blinks, staring for a moment. Lance was starting to blush again, the silence dragging on.

Keith sighs and nudges his face back to where it was and presses closer. It didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon.

Lance would have been okay with that had his stomach not growled. He tenses as he feels Keith pull away, blushing when Keith looks down at his stomach, then back up.

Then he laughs.

"Hungry?" Keith asks, taking back up the space against Lance's chest. Lance chuckles, a bit embarrassed.

"Y-yeah.. Just a bit.." Keith hums, trying to get _closer_. Lance tries not to move too much, finding he _might_ get excited about all the wiggling about.

"Can we stay here a little longer?" Lance nods stiffly, willing his heart to calm down. Keith ends up squirming more, unable to get completely wrapped up in the heat. His thigh brushing against Lance and he sucks in a breath, blushing deeply. Keith pauses. When he blinks his lashes fan across Lance's chest before he lifts his head.

Lance was looking pointedly _away_. He wasn't about to be teased about it. But instead of any kind of comment of _wow, again?_ as he's gotten from girls in the past, he got a stroke of a thigh against him. Lance's eyes go to Keith's, wide. Keith kept moving his thigh against him slowly, pressing the rest of his body closer and looking up through his lashes, encouraging.

Lance gulps as Keith moves up to lessen the space between them for a kiss. It was slow and languid, keeping all Keith's sensuality from the night prior. His hands move in soothing strokes up his chest and over his shoulder, and then back down. Lance wasn't about to say no, either. Lance easily managed to get Keith on his back, looming over him.

In the light Keith's love bites were easily seen, and as Lance leans down to kiss him again he grinned to himself.

Keith was about to get a lot more of them.

* * *

Keith pulls the coat over him more. Despite the lingering heat on his skin, he was still cold as he waited for Lance at the mess hall table. Lance had _insisted_ on him waiting at the table, since he was still rather sore and walking _might've_ been more challenging than before. Keith smiles to himself as he thinks about the way Lance wrapped him up in clothes and especially how he buttons it all the way up to the top, covering half his neck, with a deep red blush.

* * *

Lance had noticed how... _Clingy_ Keith had become since their- uhh.. _Tryst_. It didn't really bother him, really. In fact, it was almost cute. It _was_ cute. After the weekend, Keith had sought him out nearly three times a day. In the morning during breakfast, during lunch time break, and typically during dinner. Lance had gotten used to Keith coming straight for him and then just enveloping him in a tight hug.

He stays for longer and longer each time, he would cling to Lance's arm as he was talking with Hunk or other people. It was like, after a certain amount of time when people had gotten used to Keith clinging to Lance like it _wasn't_ out of character, he had become somewhat invisible in the eyes of the onlookers. Lance would be talking to a group and Keith just comes by for a hug, the others would barely bat an eye, let alone look at Keith to see what he wanted. Lance would raise his arm to allow Keith into his arms and just kept it around him until Keith wanted to leave. He never really spoke, either, which made it weird.

How can someone just be that quiet all the time and never say anything?

Nonetheless, Keith stands out and then he doesn't. In class he is still the perfect student, perfect pilot. It leaves Lance festering with jealousy. That is, until Keith slinks through the crowd to him for affection. Especially when Lance does less than spectacular in the simulator and Keith slots his body against his slouching form, shit-talking the teacher and poking him in his side to make him laugh. Keith would tell him he's a great pilot, spectacular, magnificent. Alright, so many not _all_ of those adjectives, but that was the jist of it. Like he was being told he was destined for greatness despite his failures at the Garrison.

People look at him when he's alone, and then seem to not notice him when he's with Lance.

Why does he cling so much?

Lance could have accepted that Keith liked him, but wasn't that out of nowhere? Keith had barely glanced at him since they met. Suspicious...

Anyway.

Still.

What was his point? What had he been talking about?

Right, Keith being clingy was both angry-kitten adorable _and_ just a tiny bit suspicious. He can't help but feel a contradictory premonition that this was all either one big joke or this was somehow really happening. He'd been lazily licking at his soft serve when Keith stalks toward him. He plops right onto the bench next to him and saddles up to his side.

He's quiet, as always. Leeching away his heat. Something seems off today, though.

"You okay?" Keith blinks and looks up, eyes glossy. He blinks slowly and nods.

"Yeah.. I'm okay."

* * *

Keith lied. He was not okay. He feels the days get colder and colder, he's thinking about clinging to Lance during class time. The reason he's colder? He feels the day Shiro gets taken come closer and closer. The days blur and he could barely remember doing anything, homework or otherwise. He's just in bed nearly twenty-four/seven, curled up with a multitude of blankets he's snatched from the laundry facility. He gets his daily dose of Lance in forms of hugs and between-class arm clinging.

He knows he won't be able to last much longer with those small bursts of comfort, and they hadn't had any explicit contact since that morning.

"Lance," he whispers, half mindful of the conversation Lance is engaged in when he comes near. Lance looks to him and raises a brow.

"What's up?" The walls _aren't_ closing in, but his lungs sure feel like they are. Keith's chest is being crushed by guilt at _not_ doing anything. At living such a normal life when he could really be _out there_ fighting _Haggar_ and making everything just _fucking stop._

But he's just sleeping day in and day out, wallowing in his own depression and anxiety and whatever else was wrong with him because the last time he was made, he obviously wasn't made _perfectly_. All his other lives weren't perfect, something was wrong with him bodily, with his ability to control magic, and this time something was obviously wrong with his _head_. Haggar was probably going to kill him later if that rebel hadn't kidnapped him.

Keith hadn't noticed how long it had been since Lance spoke until he was in his face.

"Hey, you okay buddy?" His brows were furrowed and his lips pursed, some of the people around them diverted attention to them. Keith didn't _like_ attention. He noticed how shallow his own breathing had been, the tremble in his fingers. But he couldn't really drag Lance _away_ from a group of people again. Lance was speaking again but this time it was muffled and muted.

Keith shakes his head, turning as he tried to keep his gravity centered.

"The Kerberos crew is missing-"

There was a crash as some things fell to the floor, glass breaking. Keith honestly couldn't care less about who he ran into and what he made fall to the ground. The only way he could describe how he felt was ice being injected through his veins. Like when you donate double blood, between each pint, they re-inject you with saline water to replenish whatever you just gave up. It was cold, leaves you shivering from the inside out. Only this time, he didn't have the comfort of those heat packs to warm him up.

Muffled yelling reached his ear as he stared at the news, bile rising in his throat. Someone grabbed his shoulder and _yanked_ backwards. Keith's body lurched back and before he knows it he has his arm flying to sucker punch whoever touched him. His hand blossoms in pain, panting harshly. Everything is quiet, for a moment. Keith is grateful no one else tries to come near him for a moment; he knows he wouldn't be able to stop himself from attacking back.

Nausea rolls in his stomach and he covers his mouth, wobbling backwards. And then he's pulled by the wrist out and away from the deafening silence. Before he knows it, he's kneeled down by a toilet and retching what little he's had in his stomach from hours ago. A heated hand is rubbing gentle circles on his back and another pushing back hair behind his ear so it doesn't stick to the spit at his lips.

Overall, he feels better. His stomach is settled and even though his body still shook and he could barely stand, he didn't feel the overwhelming urge to scream and smash his head against the wall.

"Can you stand?" Lance's voice is gentle at his ear and he nods, flushing the toilet after spitting for the last time. Keith grabs onto the sides as he stands on wobbly legs. Lance is helping him stand, leading the two steps to the sink to wash out his mouth with water and toothpaste.

When Lance leads him out of the bathroom, Keith realizes he must be in Lance's room. The beds are haphazardly made, a bunch of shoes at the front door. Lance sits him down on the left bed, touching the back of his hand to Keith's forehead. Lance's hand felt hot, as always. Keith sighs at the slight comfort it gave him.

"You feeling better now?" Keith nods, gratefully taking the bottled water and taking careful sips. "You're kinda clammy.. And cold." Keith wanted to laugh. "Did you want to... Stay here for the night?" Keith nods, he didn't have to think about that. "Let's get you out of that uniform.." Lance says then pauses, his cheeks are dusted pink. "N-not that way.." He mumbles, helping to unbutton Keith's blazer when Keith's fingers shook too much.

Keith watches Lance pop open button after button with a pout and a red face. After he slides off the blazer Lance hangs it on the backrest of the chair that sat at the desk. Next, despite muttering something about Keith being a spoiled baby, he kneeled down on the floor and started unlacing his boots. Keith stares, letting his mind drift to the night time picnic and the stupid button ring. The longing and yearning he felt was something fierce, a weird tug for the want of their future while it simultaneously rested in the past.

Lance pops off one shoe and does the other, hand lingering on Keith's ankle.

"Did you want to take a shower?"

* * *

Keith sighs, sinking into the mattress and soft bedding, all soaked in Lance's fresh scent. After his shower he had been legitimately _pampered_ by Lance. Okay, so it wasn't _all_ like that. Lance had scolded him about leaving his hair wet after a shower and proceeded to add hair product and blow dried it before allowing Keith to crawl under the blankets to wait.

Now he was wearing fresh clothes, Lance's clothes, and bundled under thick blankets while he waits for Lance.

The Kerberos accident was still at the forefront of his mind. He still felt guilty, but he reasoned he needed to wait. Because without Pidge, they wouldn't have the Green Paladin. Pidge would be enrolling soon, too...

* * *

"I can't _believe_ I bombed that test..." Lance whines, teary-eyed. Hunk pats him on the back.

"There, there, buddy. You'll do better next time." Lance only pouts more. Keith watches from across the table, sipping on a carton of apple juice. "Maybe have Keith help you study?" Lance scoffs.

"I don't want _him_ to teach me." He lifts his chin. Keith smiles a bit in amusement.

"I'd be happy to tutor you."

"I don't _want_ you to tutor me!"

"Why not? I thought you always wanted to do teacher-student role-play?" Hunk looks seriously confused. Lance's face turns red in seconds, Keith nearly inhales his straw, barely gulping down the apple juice in his mouth before coughing.

 _"Hunk!"_ Lance is reaching into his space to try and cover his mouth with his hand. _"Shut it!"_

"But I thought that was one of your biggest fantasies?" Lance screeches, probably trying to cover up what Hunk was saying but it was too late. Keith heard it. Now he was dying of laughter, clutching at his stomach.

* * *

Keith pulled Lance along the hallway, pressing close to the wall. It was well after curfew when Keith literally broke into his dorm and pulled him out of bed. Hunk just blinking at the turn of events before going back to tinkering with a new invention. He'd shut Lance up long enough for them to reach the shack in the desert.

"Are you gonna tell me what you dragged me out in the middle of my beauty sleep for?" Keith grins and nods, going around to the side where his hoverbike was hidden under a tarp. He'd had it before he moved out here, built by hand with help from do it yourself manuals. "Oh my god don't tell me you're actually an axe murderer?" Lance looked _very_ concerned about the completely _impossible_ idea.

Keith just rolls his eyes. "No, doofus. I wanted to take you on a ride." He pulls off the tarp. Lance balks.

"Ride this thing? The screaming metal death trap?" Keith nods.

"Wanna drive?" Lance opens his mouth, staring at him. Then closes his mouth a moment later.

"Really?" Keith nods, going to fetch the keys in a small compartment at the side, throwing them to Lance as his lips contort in a grin. _"Sweet."_

* * *

Keith almost forgot how _scary_ Lance's driving was at first. It was just so... jerky? Keith held onto his waist and twitched whenever Lance did something especially risky. But Lance just hooted and kept on driving; eventually working out all the kinks he needed to work out to know how to ride it.

Cruising on tops of the mountains and getting a view of the Garrison in the distance. Keith feels Blue's energy waves reach out, pulsing against his being. Lance doesn't seem to notice as he grins and speeds off, about to drift around the corner of a cliff. Keith tightened his hold and looked out to the wavering mountain lines where Blue resided.

 _Soon._

* * *

Keith stares out at the expanse of dark sky, lit up with bright stars on a moonless night.

Breathe in. Hold. Exhale.

Keith is wrapped up in a wool blanket on the patio of his shack, his new home. It wasn't a chilly night, but his skin still crawls with goosebumps at the cold seeping into him either way.

Something was definitely wrong with him, he thinks. First he couldn't get a hold of his feelings, then he can, then he can't. And now? He can't feel anything at all. Emotion-wise, at least.

Just a week ago he got kicked out of the Garrison, according to plan. According to S-0. A month and a half before that, when Shiro went missing, he couldn't stop feeling. Now he felt nothing. No panic, no fear. No longing or yearning. That is, if he didn't think of anything, he wouldn't feel it.

Lance comes around once a week or so, to check up on him. It was nice, better than the complete solitude he had. Once Lance left the creeping emotional numbness overcomes him in minutes of watching Lance disappear from sight.

Keith still feels Blue, seeking out his energy and trying to communicate. Trying to urge him. He sends back calm waves as best he can.

 _Not yet, it's too soon. When the time comes. I promise. Soon._

Even though the soon is still practically nine months from now.

* * *

"Go where?"

"Party! Hunk is totally covering for me this weekend if anyone asks where I am. So, let's go. It'll be fun!" Lance looks excited, practically bouncing on his feet as he stands in the middle of the room in Keith's shack. Keith hums and shrugs.

"Sure, why not." Lance raises a fist and brings it down with a grin.

"Yess!" Keith rolls his eyes and goes to change clothes before Lance teases him.

In the end he's in jeans and a thick sweatshirt and a coat he managed to save from his clothes at the Garrison. Lance is in his typical clothes, driving Keith to the house in the middle of _fucking nowhere_ on his hoverbike. There is music blaring from inside and Lance is grinning once he parks and pockets he keys, already so used to keeping Keith's keys when they go for a ride.

There are bright colorful lights and he could see people dancing inside. He could feel the base when Lance leads him up to the door and waves to the guy leaning back against the wall. The place is furnished enough, but mostly people are standing around or dancing. Those who were tired literally lay down on the carpeted area, using various jackets and animal-shaped backpacks as pillows.

Passing the staircase to the second floor, Keith could see a person lying on the stairs and playing with some glowing lights strapped to his fingers under white gloves.

The bass is _alive_. Literally shaking the walls and vibrating the water in his glass. He sits on an empty couch in the living room, waiting for Lance to come back. A new song is starting, beat fast, and it bleeds into the flashing lights, becomes one with the people dancing.

 _Cold black dress with the high heels on_

 _Gold necklace with a light baton_

 _Blood red paint on her fingernails_

 _And her fingers trail when the lights come on_

Lance plops down beside him with a grin, nervous energy emitting off him.

"Hey, come here often?" Keith raises a brow.

"You brought me here." Lance waves a hand, pouting.

"I was _trying_ to flirt." Lance is almost yelling, but Keith could understand his anyways. Keith rolls his eyes and smiles.

 _Pink champagne that she adores_

 _Lipstick stain by Michael Kors_

 _Wrist decked out in the neon bands_

 _And a pink hand-stamp from the night before_

"So, uhh.." Lance stalled, pulling out a two by two inch plastic baggy that had multicolored hearts. Inside Keith could see two green pills. "Did you wanna..?"

 _"How would_ you _know how being high felt?" Keith is looking at him with narrowed eyes, mostly teasing. Lance laughs nervously._

 _"Well, I mean.. I've had_ some _experience..." He looks away, looking slightly ashamed. Keith quirks his lip in a teasing grin._

 _"Oh, you're a bad boy, aren't you?" Keith pulled him down face to face by the collar of his shirt since he didn't have a tie to do it with. Lance blushes a bit._

 _"I mean like, I wasn't_ bad _. It was just once in awhile for fun, ya know? To unwind. I didn't get into trouble, I did my work, went to class, never stole from people.." Lance names off, and Keith nods, humming._

 _"Yeah, you can never be a bad boy. You're too sweet."_

Keith blinks away the memory as Lance deposits the two tablets onto his palm. On closer look Keith sees a stupid monkey stamp on one side. Lance is opening a watered bottle, looking to Keith for his answer.

 _Nicotine and alcohol_

 _THC and Adderall_

 _On a pill that her best friend gave_

 _Don't know what it is but anyway_

Keith opens his mouth and sticks out his tongue, Lance smiles. The pill is bitter on his tongue, as he is sure it's as bitter on Lance's as he flicks it into his mouth and gulps down a third of the bottle. Keith takes it next and swallows it down, drinking down more water when he felt it stick just a tad on the sides of his throat.

"Bitter.." Lance chuckles and nods.

"That's how you know it's good."

 _Empty heart but her cup stays full_

 _Drink until she's comfortable_

 _Can't feel nothing, one more shot_

 _But it feels so good when the music drops._

Keith had never taken drugs before. At least, he thinks he hasn't. The doctors at the Galra could have pumped him full of something. He hasn't had anything from _earth_ before.

"What was it?" He asks, leaning on Lance as he hums along to the beat of the song.

"Green Paul Franks." It's been fifteen minutes since he took it, he thinks. Lance glances at the clock on his phone and grins. Keith has no idea what he said means. Lance glances at him he blinks. "Ohhh, oh, oh. You mean, like, what it _is_." Keith nods. "It's, ya know, feel good stuff." Keith stares. "Ecstasy."

Keith blinks slowly and nods. He had rough knowledge about drugs.

"So, it just makes you feel happy?"

"Happy _and_ loopy." Lance smiles. "You'll feel it when it hits you. I hear these are real good."

 _Flashing lights, let me in_

 _Hands go up when the record spins_

 _Rush of life, MDM-_

 _Turn it up and spin it back again_

Keith blinks, furrowing his brow as a weird pressure presses on his head. It wasn't bad, or imposing. It wasn't Haggar or Blue, it wasn't a presence, but a _pressure_ that fluctuated. He thinks everything looks weird. It looks like the lines of anything he sees are moving.

 _Crush of bodies all around_

 _Once was lost but now I'm found_

 _Shot of in space, to a distant place_

 _And all of a sudden everything ain't so loud..._

Lance was _right_. At first he wasn't sure what he was supposed to feel, but he thinks this is it. The tingle in his fingers, similar to his magic but it doesn't spark, traveling down to his toes and he wiggles them in his shoes. Keith feels the music on his _skin_.

A warm hand envelopes his and he looks down, seeing Lance's hand lace their fingers together. When he trails his gaze up his arm to Lance's face, he is grinning goofy. His pupils are blown.

"Hey, buddy. How you feeling?" He asks. Keith purses his lips, rubbing his thumb along Lance's skin and feels his heart speed up, thudding against his heart. He couldn't help but grin, lips quirking up. "Oh ho, it hit you, too? How do you feel?" Keith looks around, sees everything shift weirdly around even if it was stationary.

"My head.. Feels like it's a helium balloon." Lance bursts into laughter, squeezing his hand. Keith sucks in a breath, feeling waves of _pleasure_ run up his arm and straight to his brain, then back down. He continues to rub his thumb along Lance's hand. It was just _so fucking soft_. The chorus of the song brought its own waves of pleasure.

 _And I believe_

 _Life if a dream that reality breathes_

 _And I believe_

 _The Silence, The Silence watches over me_

"Anything else?"

"Tingly.. Like I'm floating." Keith doesn't realize how his breath had started to labor and he takes in a deep breath and lets it out in a huff of air. Lance chuckles and follows his lead. Periodically he gives Keith's hand squeezes and rubs, massaging his muscles that leave Keith entirely in a mush-like state, leaning heavily against him. "That feels good." Keith feels like he's still smiling and he touches his lips. He is.

Lance chuckles and nods, kissing his head. His free hand comes up to thread through Keith's hair and presses the pads of his fingers into his scalp, leaving Keith with a series of shivers, his brain filling up with _pleasure._

 _Cigarette from a Gucci clutch_

 _Eyes go red when she lights it up_

 _Only smokes when she gets fucked up_

 _But yolo so it don't matter much_

 _Where's my jacket? Where's my friends?_

 _Where's my lighter? Phone is dead._

 _Can't find shit yo who's that- wait wait_

 _The DJs playing my song again_

Keith is clenching and unclenching his free hand, rubbing it on the fabric of his sweater and on Lance's jacket, just _feeling._ He's dizzy even as he keeps sitting on the couch with Lance, now their legs literally tangled together. His heat feels _even better_ in this state. Lance's hands are at his back, massaging his muscles. It leaves Keith _reeling_ , laughing at the tingle overcoming his body.

Lance is in a similar position, seeming to favor Keith's hair, probably leaving it in tangles as he threads his fingers through it and fiddle the strands through his fingers. Sometimes gripping onto his hair then letting go a moment later. His smile is wide and he's chewing on gum, which Keith should probably ask for. Keith can feels himself biting at the corners of his lips and the inside of his cheek.

When he finally is able to lift himself from Lance's chest to look around, he sees the party goers still partying. And suddenly all the people hugging and cuddling made sense, because their eyes are _blown wide_ , just like his, and if they're in the same state that Keith and Lance are in, they're having a good time just basking in the company of those around them.

 _Synthesizers, disco balls_

 _Crystal Geyser mixed with mol_

 _Life is hard but it ain't so rough_

 _When you're doin' bumps in the bathroom stall_

 _No one knows what you feel inside_

 _No one knows if it's real or lies_

 _All she knows when the beat comes back_

 _That it's everything she ever had to realise (lies, lies)_

"Look into my eyes, okay?" Lance's hand is at his cheek and directed him to look up, into those crystal blue eyes. Keith giggles and lets him for as long as he wanted. After a long while he seemed content. "Wanna dance?"

"I want water.." Lance hums and nods, smacking his lips.

"I'm thirsty, too..." He trails off, but makes no move to get up. Neither does Keith. They look at each other and burst into laughter. "Okay, okay. We both go together, okay?" Keith nods. They make no move to get up for another few minutes before Lance starts trying to untangle their limbs. Keith whines but lets him go. Lance chuckles and gets up, wobbling a moment before grabbing Keith's hands and pulling him up.

 _Whoa._

Everything _spun_ for a solid minute. Lance is waiting until he came to stand semi-straight before leading them through the throng of bodies to the kitchen. Everything is _moving_ and Keith is laughing at every single thing about it. How it doesn't stay still. How it totters from side to side. The patterns on the tile are wiggling around, amusing him with a show as Lance grabs two semi-chilled bottles of water from the cooler and hobbles over. Keith suspects his legs feel like jelly just as much as his do. But the walk was nice.

Keith takes the bottle gratefully and starts to gulp it down. Lance stops him with a gentle hand and Keith makes a face. All he wanted was _water_. His mouth felt like a desert and the cold water was refreshment that was exactly what he was looking for.

"Slow sips, babe. You don't want to get sick if you drink too fast." Lance tips up the water bottle to his lips. Keith tries taking large gulps again, but Lance keeps him steady and makes him take the small sips. Once Keith was satiated he caps his bottle and sighs. Lance takes his own careful sips, leaning against the counter with a goofy grin. When they meet gazes, laughter starts bubbling up in their chest.

"Oh my god, _Keith."_ Keith looks up, feeling Lance's fingers trail underneath his eyes that has him trembling. A familiar euphoria budding in his chest, similar to what he felt but different at the same time. "Oh my god those are _so_ cute." Keith raises a brow but let's Lance keep on touching him. It felt so nice.

"Whass' cute?" Lance's thumb strokes under his eyes again.

"These thingies." Lance keeps one hand on his cheek while the other pulls out his phone. Keith didn't think taking pictures was a good idea, but he really couldn't give a fuck right now. It was like everything was put on the back burner. All of his anxieties and problems, all his feelings of guilt. Keith stares, eyes half lidded, as Lance snaps a quick picture and shows him.

Keith stares for a long minute and a half before reaching up to touch his cheeks.

His marks. His _Altean_ marks.

Somehow, he didn't feel like he was about to go into shock, though. He would worry about them later. Lance was all over the marks, touching and stroking, pressing little kisses. It just heightened the building euphoria in his brain.

"Wanna get out of here?" Keith opens his eyes, the world spinning on its axes with him at the center. Lance's pupils are still blown impossibly wide.

"I don... Don't think that- such a good idea to drive ri'now." Keith mumbles. Lance glances at his clock, it's been _hours._ Day break would be in a handful of hours.

"Mmmm... Let's see, okay? I'm typically okay at the end of the come down." Keith is doubtful, worry starting to take him about Lance being reckless.

"Wait." Lance watches him before he nods.

"Okay, We'll wait an hour, then go. Deal?" Keith sighs and nods, being lead back to the couch.

When it was time to go, they were both giggly and wobbly on their feet, but Lance seemed to be faring much better than he was. His head was metaphorically back on his shoulders while Keith's was still in the clouds. Keith climbs behind Lance and wraps his arms around his waist, gripping hard just in case.

Lance pets his hands and starts the bike, driving them back to Keith's shack. Keith was grateful that Lance drove nice and calm, keeping the ride smooth and slow. Not at all the speed-demon he'd shown Keith he could be. It might be the drugs that he was more careful, or him being considerate of Keith, but it was still nice of him.

Lance helps him off the bike and takes him in, still touching non-stop. Keith smiles, he feels his cheeks would be sore the next morning.

"Seriously, those are so cute." Lance comments, touching his marks again. Keith brings him in and up the stairs. Lance follows without protest, grinning as the door to the single bedroom on the second floor closed. Keith is giggling nonstop when he was pushed to onto the bed, jumping twice before the mattress stopped moving.

Lance is over him, hands sliding up his body, bunching up the sweater, kissing him. Keith is moaning, able to let his voice ring out in the room in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't matter that he's probably still under the influence, and that Lance probably still is, despite how his pupils are starting to shrink. It doesn't matter how much pleasure builds up to near first peak levels as the heat soaks through to his bones.

It feels _good._

Lance's heat, the pleasure and euphoria, the _comfort._

It was like a breath of fresh air.

* * *

Keith wakes up the most rested he's ever been since his last night with Lance in S-1, bundled under thick blankets at Lance's side. While he primarily had the blankets thrown off him because of the suffocating heat that Keith so much enjoys. He sighs and snuggles closer, a heated lump under Lance's arm.

Lance wakes up a few minutes later, grumbling something unintelligent and stretching out his long limbs as far as they go.

"Good morning- oh my god!" Lance yells when he opens his eyes and looks at Keith, scrambling off the bed. Keith furrows his brow, lifting himself up on his elbows to watch him and wonder what the hell he was doing. It wasn't like this was the first time they woke up together. "Holy shit- Keith?" Lance's eyes are wide, raking over Keith's appearance from the waist up.

"Yeah?" He asks instead, he could still feel the weird tingle on his fingertips.

"You- holy shit! Your hair! Your ears! Your eyes!" He exclaims, scrambling to stand and grabs his clothes, sliding them on quickly. Keith raises a brow, and then furrows him. He lets some strands fall from the side and he stares- stark white.

Keith sits up, letting the blankets pool at his waist as he grabs the small mirror on the night stand and looks at it. He's speechless. His hand reaches up to gently touch the marking under his eyes. His _purple_ eyes. Much more obvious with how light they've become. A periwinkle purple around now normal sized pupils. His hair all white, bleached, without a single trace of his previous raven locks.

 _The royal bloodline color._

Moving the colorless strands he feels his ears before he sees them. _Pointed_ at the ends, slightly longer than before.

"Lance, I can explain-"

"Holy shit! You're an alien! I've been shacking it up with an alien!" Lance seems shell shocked, like he didn't know if he should believe it or not. He goes with not as he grabs his jacket and shrugs it on. "I-I've got to go."

Keith wants to reach out and stop him, wants to go after him and make him understand, but he's frozen to his spot. He looks back into the mirror, cracked at the top edge, and stares at his reflection.

Add the purple skin and deform his marks and he'd look like _mommy._

* * *

Lance doesn't come back after that. Doesn't contact him in any way. Keith doesn't seek him out, either. His alien genes don't go away and he hides them whenever he goes into public places for food or necessities.

Keith takes to making his wall of theories, recalling with clarity of what he had written the first time around. The lines he'd connected, and then remade them in this world. He doesn't need to seek out the new energy or wonder what it is. He knows what and where and who it is. But he goes through the motion for the future, when he rescues Shiro and the other three are brought along.

He misses the heat and comfort, long gone from that morning. He lets the chill calm him, freeze over and preserve the memories, numb his emotions like before. He is the calm before the storm, just waiting for the perfect time to unleash what he could do. He tries not to think, keep his mind empty of anything and everything.

No more thinking about Lance or the multitudes of shifts or his magic, or how when the end comes he would cut Haggar's head clean off her shoulders. No more thinking of old memories of past centuries lived that he had long forgotten about.

Keith curls up in his rocking chair on the patio, staring at the stars all night and sleeps all day.

* * *

Lance's heart squeezed with discomfort, crumpling up the post it note with a girl's number into his pants pocket.

It's been weeks since he'd ran away from Keith's shack in the middle of the desert, leaving him alone. How after that he'd just been in denial about what happened, about even the possibility of it. It was weird, too weird. Following the days he'd upped his flirting and flings.

Each one leaving unpleasant streaks on his skin. Each one letting the feeling of guilt fester in the pit of his stomach. At leaving Keith alone, at abandoning him, at finding all these girls to hook up with.

Hunk doesn't ask about Keith. He'd asked once and Lance responded promptly with, "Keith who?"

Lance doesn't understand why he has these feelings. Why he feels so guilty about it. He knows, partially, it was because he left without explanation, without listening or giving him a chance and cutting off their somewhat-unnamed relationship off in a heartbeat following the grand reveal.

Lance shakes it off and pulls on his shoes, ready to go out to a party. Dragging along an unwilling Hunk and possibly Pidge. He grins and puts on his bravado, squashes down his jumbling emotions, and sneaks out.

* * *

They find themselves on the mountainous terrain soon after, watching the explosions go off further away.

"Who's that guy?"

Lance grabs the binoculars and looks, jaw dropping.

"It's Keith!"

"You sure?"

"I'd know that mullet anywhere!" Lance stalks down the hill, Pidge and Hunk in tow. Of course, he would recognize that stark white hair, too. It stood out against the dark night, that's for sure.

* * *

Keith takes a breath as he looks down at Shiro, taking out his knife and cutting free the restraints. He gets him onto his shoulder easily enough, eyes looking up when Lance barges in.

It was slightly different. Because Keith knows who he is, and Lance knows who he was. They've had history. But Lance doesn't say he knows him, doesn't act like they were ever close. So Keith acts that way back, voice empty and hollow as they make their escape back to the shack.

Keith speaks his remarks without much heat but they hit their mark anyway.

They're back at the shack, Hunk and Pidge staring at him. Shiro is outside, staring out to the rising sun when Keith comes to get him.

"Keith? Is that really you?" Keith nods.

"It's... Hard to explain," he mimics Shiro's earlier words about what had happened to _him._ "You should come inside."

* * *

 _"It's like some energy was telling me to search."_

 _"Worst. Pilot. Ever."_

 _"I don't think you realize this, but we_ are _in an alien war ship."_

Keith feels like this is the millionth time he had awoken Allura and Coran from their sleep. Like he had watched the same movie a million times to be able to recant all the actor's lines.

"Who are you where are-" Allura's eyes land on him and she is silenced by her own surprise. "You're... Altean?" Keith doesn't accept or deny the fact that he is. She goes back to the control deck to see how long they've been asleep. Coran is out next and Keith lets everything play out as it should.

As he'd decided at the beginning. He'd let S-3 be as close to S-0 as possible.

* * *

Things between Keith and him are... Really awkward and weird, stressed, even. Lance has been picking little fights here and there, and Keith rises up to his taunts. Except.. His reactions seem hollow, like they'd been rehearsed and Keith was just a terrible actor. Like he really didn't want to say those things to Lance. Lance would want to say those thing to himself.

Keith had a right to be angry and resentful. But he wasn't, he gave Lance space and only gave those cold come backs. The tone of his voice and the dullness of his eyes made Lance shiver. It was like he was numb.

And he was. Keith carried the numbness with him to contain his sanity. His ever slipping sanity as every day goes by as it did before. As they found the lions, as he was reunited with Red.

Red almost made him crack. Her presence was gentle and protective. She _knew_ him from before. Senses the subtle differences and looks through his memories, his mind, and _knows_ what he is going through.

Keith doesn't like looking in the mirror. One of the things completely different from S-0 was his appearance. Altean marks under his eyes, now a translucent gold around his pupil. His teeth are sharper as are his nails, his ears still pointed.

The bayard is awkward in his hand, a different weight throughout the shifts. He forces it into a sword and throws himself into training. Keith was on autopilot. Let's the panic wash over him and calm down without much physical outbursts except in the safety and comfort of Red's bunker and her gentle purrs.

Keith does not tell them he is Galran. Does not tell them he was thrown back into the back for the third time in a row and he had no idea _why_ it kept happening.

Keith spends most of his time thinking about Haggar, her possible plans, her reasons besides her being plain _evil._ His geneticists of an egg donor created him for a reason. That reason was to be a weapon who can take the universe alongside Zarkon and herself. But they pretty much had all the known universe by the time he had been created, so why did they need him?

It had something to do with magic, he realizes down the line. Haggar needed him for his _quintessence_. For his ability to control magic and manipulate life better than she can. Then it must follow, that if she made him for his magic and she needed it, he was made to be stronger than her. And surely, he feels his magic is a lot stronger than in S-0 despite him not using a lick of it in S-3.

Haggar was _priming_ him. Growing his magic all the while waiting for the perfect opportunity to kill him. He wonders if Haggar knows that he knows. Maybe her plan the first time around did not work. Maybe he wasn't _supposed_ to remember the past shifts, or past lives, or why he was created. Maybe he _did_ do something right when he first fought her.

Haggar sends him back, magic growing without his knowledge, because the final battle did not give her enough time for Keith's magic to reach the potential she seeks.

Keith thinks, the thing she wants most is to destroy all life.

* * *

Keith releases a sigh when Lance falls out the healing pod, playing his part easy before he leaves the scene. He hardly wanted to stick around for Lance to flirt with Allura. Even though he never sought out Lance when they reunited, doesn't mean he doesn't want to. Doesn't mean his hands are nearly always stiff with the ice in his veins. How lonely he was.

Keith doesn't stay in his room; despite thinking he should stay there for a while to be as close to S-0 as possible. But he gave that up. He and Lance's relationship was entirely different from S-0, and nothing was the same, anyway.

Lance catches him in the kitchen on the night after Sendak's defeat, sipping on jurjur.

"Keith," Lance calls his name from near the door. He's nervous, awkward. Keith looks to him, doesn't retort in anger. He merely nods and sips his drink once again. Letting the heat of the cup offer him what limited comfort it can give. "Uh.. You're awake?" He asks, and then smacks his hand to his face. "That wasn't what I wanted to say.. Of course, you're awake. Duh. Uhm.." He babbles. Keith lets him work through what he wants to say.

Lance takes a breath and comes over, finally.

"I wanted to say.. I'm sorry."

Keith's eyes widen a bit and his eyebrows rise in surprise. This was the last thing he expected. But then again, Lance was full of surprises.

"I'm sorry for ditching you the night after the party," he starts, looking at his feet. "I'm sorry for leaving you alone without anything to go on. I'm sorry I never came over to make sure you were okay. And I'm sorry for freaking out. I'm especially sorry for acting like we never knew each other." He goes on and on, Keith was still stunned into silence. "I'm sorry for ignoring you and trying to start fights... I've wanted to apologize earlier, but then we got whisked away in Blue and.. I lost my chance."

Lance finally looks up, looking legitimately _sorry_ about what happened.

Keith _wants_ to be mad. Wants to yell about how much it hurt to be alone, to be rejected that way. But he couldn't. He knows Lance wasn't really at fault. Knows anyone would have reacted much worse than he did. Understands that Lance needed time to come to terms with it on his own.

Keith could never deny Lance, anyway. Forgive and forget, wasn't that the saying?

Lance goes back to his normal, goofy self. Giving Keith cocky grins and cheek kisses, telling jokes. It seemed that the other residents of the castle weren't that surprised by their relationship. Hunk had known from before, and no doubt had told Pidge, who took it in stride and nods, says, _it was pretty obvious._ Allura and Coran were just happy the paladins were getting along _splendidly_ and Shiro was glad for him to have a bigger support system.

* * *

Red was against his plan. Against him being left for dead by the team, against him going through gruesome torture. Keith calms her down, stops her from notifying the others and reasons with her when she yells at him that he needs to _explain_ everything.

The events will resume as planned.

* * *

Keith can handle the pain when it comes to it, the cuts, the head injuries. The soreness in his body and the ache in his joints. The blood on him soaks through the uniform. It stains his hair, now much more obvious about his deed.

Mammon is dying, bleeding out on the jungle floor. Gurgling something Keith still can't understand as he kneels down next to him and closes his eyes once he is finally gone.

"I'm sorry," Keith whispers, the first time he has ever apologized for killing someone. For killing _Mammon_ for the umpteenth time. Knowing, that if Keith didn't kill him, Mammon will just die on a different battle field.

Keith understands there are things you just can't change. Fate will catch up sooner or later.

"I'm sorry." Keith murmurs again, stroking the blood soaked hair of a soldier left for dead and only wishing he gets a proper burial.

* * *

It doesn't hurt any less to be zapped hard by Pidge's bayard. Nor does it hurt any less when he sees Red being forcibly brought back to the castle while he floated in zero-gravity. He hears Red screaming at him in his head.

 _It'll be okay.._

He doesn't try to connect to the others, knowing the channel won't work. He doesn't fight the beam to load him onto the enemy ship. Doesn't fight the interrogation or torture but never once revealing a single thing about Voltron.

Keith is turned into a druid again. He plays it dumb and starts from the beginning, watching his pretty Altean marks deform in the mirror day by day, much quicker than the first time. Whenever Haggar is near they glance at each other. Keith's skin crawls when he feels her grin and grin and grin like everything was going according to her master plan. So much magic in her veins and experiments gone wrong have left her skin a Galran purple and a little bit insane. Keith realizes now how every new shift she becomes a little more undone. Surely, she was not all there in S-0, but she was less there in S-1, and now in S-3.

Haggar knows. She _remembers._

Haggar's energy remains the same, though. At the same level of each shift while his grows with every life he lives. He thinks, belatedly, if he is to blame. Not to blame, but a reason why her energy stays the same, why she is becoming insane. That the blood she takes from him to inject into her own veins was what was tripping her to her goal. The transfusions she does to become _him_ , a successful Galran-Altean hybrid druid.

But Haggar doesn't know that he knows. He makes sure to keep his mouth shut and his emotions under tight wraps, playing dumb until the end.

Keith is at the Hanma base months later, hovering above ground as the goes down the hall. He wonders if Lance is going through the same things as he did in S-0, as he's going through them. Wonders if the yearning is mutual.

"Krychek," Keith turns to the commanding officer, brow raised despite his mask covering his face and neck. "Haggar sends orders of your next mission. Control room." Keith realizes the day has come when he would reunite with his "team."

Keith raises a fist to his chest.

 _"Vrepit sa."_

* * *

Keith's head is throbbing and he knows why. He also feels comforting presences around him and rummaging around in his head, and he knows where he is. Nevertheless, with his head injury, he can't completely connect the dots that he was _safe._

"Wh-what.." He mutters, sitting up and blinking away the blur.

"Keith," Lance's voice calls out and he tenses. "Good morning, we brought you food."

* * *

 _I told you, Red. Everything is going to be okay in the end. We got this. We can do this. It'll be alright._

Keith sends her vibes and thoughts, quenching her worry with reassuring things. He was fine, stronger now than before. He has Lance, and Blue, and Hunk and Yellow, the others will come over to his side in due time. He can't push things to be better. He'll play it out like he decided.

* * *

Lance purses his lips, watching Keith train with the others. The movements of his body, precise and deadly, cutting down combat drone after drone with deadly accuracy.

But in battle, when Lance looks over at him, he sees the hesitancy, the unsureness. It wasn't a hesitancy to kill, nor to protect or even use magic. It was just.. This feeling Lance got, that he was pausing every once in awhile. He kills and kills and kills, protecting them with the power of the gods and the will of a thousand soldiers.

Keith gets this glazed look in his eyes, and he doesn't think that was normal. It was this far-off stare, like he didn't even recognize what was in front of him. Like he didn't even know he was real.

That was why Keith would _love_ this. Lance had been working on this for ages and it was finally ready.

"So... What do you think?" Lance asks, looking expectedly at Keith, who was staring at the white robes he's spent so long to make.

Keith opens his mouth, says nothing before he closes his mouth. His eyes gloss over and his brow furrows and Lance thinks he did something wrong.

"Whoa, whoa. Hey, hey.. Babe, Keith, what's wrong?" Lance is at his side, touching his shoulders and face to comfort him. He knows Keith likes affection.

"I-I.." Keith whines, wiping off tear drops off his cheek. "Lance..." He says softly and sits down on the bed. "I need to tell you something.."

* * *

 _"I..I've known what will happen.. All this time. This isn't my first time_ living _this." Keith sucks in a shaky breath, watching Lance's confused expression very carefully. "This is.. the fourth time.. I knew I was Galra, I knew I was Altean. I knew everyone would leave me.. I know almost_ everything _that happens."_

Lance stalks down the halls, silently fuming to himself. He'd left Keith in that crafts room a whole half hour ago, still bitter about Keith's knowledge and how he chose to use it. How Lance could have been saved the heartbreak and rage, how he could've been saved the near death experiences and lonely nights.

How could Keith just _do_ that to them? To Lance?

Lance didn't look back to see the expression on Keith's face as he stormed off with a few, choice words that probably stung. He was regretting his decision at being so brash with Keith, but his pride doesn't allow him to go back and apologize, telling himself that he had a right to be mad at Keith, for his idiotic decision that ended up hurting _all_ of them.

 _But maybe Keith was hurting the most._

* * *

"I'm worried.." Matt is shoveling goo into his mouth and making a face at the consistency for the millionth time since he got back. Beside him Hunk nods. Pidge and Shiro are across from them, Allura is at the head of the table with Coran standing behind her.

"I'm sure we all know what we're talking about.." Allura sighs, setting down her spork. "Lance avoids talking about it whenever I ask and Keith just stares at me.. It's a little unnerving, like he's omniscient. And then, after he's done staring, he just says that everything will turn out alright!" She huffs, crossing her arms.

Lance is on a scouting mission for supplies while Keith is back on the training deck, never haven left it from last night.

"Maybe everything _will_ just work itself out?" Hunk suggests. He's seen them make up after Sendak's attack.

"It's been _weeks_ , Hunk." Pidge sighs and closes the laptop they were working on.

"I'm worried Keith is going to overwork himself." The others share a look and they sigh. This wasn't getting them anywhere. And Keith never does listen to the team when they tell him to rest. He was like the resident vampire. Doesn't sleep, doesn't really eat. His white hair is a huge contrast against his purple skin on his face and neck.

"But there's nothing we can do, really.." Matt stops trying to pretend like he was eating.

"Yeah. And it's not like we have trouble forming Voltron, so there's that." Pidge pipes up.

They look at each other before heaving a sigh.

* * *

The final battle is drawing near. This time, Keith knows it will be the _final_ battle. He'll make sure it is. He feels it run through his veins. The energy around him is going crazy, and he knows it wasn't just because he has been wielding it for days.

Keith's legs are shaky as he makes his way to the control room where he knows Allura and Shiro are choosing Gdarzi to go to. He can barely stand, and let's himself float when he feels his legs give out. His robes are new, a dark red with black trimmings and the Voltron logo on the back. He had left Lance's gift back on the mannequin, not wanting to wear it until Lance puts it on his shoulders. Whispering _you're my angel_ in his ears.

That might not happen this time around, he thinks. He made a mistake telling Lance, he thought, but Lance deserved to know.

The days on Gdarzi pass by in a blur. Mostly because he spends his time in the medical tent, fixing broken limbs and bleeding wounds. He has limited refined quintessence to help him, and not even a drop to help himself. He doesn't even register the signs of magic fatigue when his hands start shaking and his vision blurs.

When he stands, everything turns black.

* * *

"Keith! Keith, you idiot!" Lance's voice was the first the recognized when he opens his eyes. His body is lurching forward, cold seeps through him. His body no longer aches from bodily exertion, but he could feel the loss of quintessence. "You really don't know how to take care of yourself, huh? Have you even been resting? Eating? Christ, you're like a child." Lance keeps going on and on, keeping Keith standing as his vision swam.

"Lance.." Keith tries, voice small. Lance keeps on scolding, that he scared the team or whatever. Keith could barely pay attention, let alone make out the words he spoke. "Lance!" Lance stopped, looking at him with wide eyes, waiting. "Just... I need to lay down.." Keith could barely stand, Lance being his support.

Lance purses his lips and stops talking, practically dragging Keith down the hallway to his room. His old room. The one he never even used.

"No, I want Red." Keith huffs, trying to pull away despite the dizziness taking over.

"You need proper rest! On a bed!" Lance exclaims, not giving Keith an inch as he reaches the door.

"Red _has_ a bed!" Keith argues, yelping when Lance _literally_ throws him over his shoulder and walks in. He stalks right over to the bed and flops Keith onto it.

"It can't be comfortable being squashed in there. I've seen how small that bunker is." Keith is quiet while he waits for his center of gravity to come back to him.

"It's comfortable and at least I'm not alone." Keith says, sitting up and ready to go to her himself. When he attempts to stand, the dizziness comes back tenfold and he fall back on the bed, breathing hard. He forgets Lance is even there until he speaks.

"... When was the last time you were in here?" Keith focuses on breathing. The room was empty, really. All of his belongings have long ago been moved to the drawers in Red's bunker. There is a faint line of dust on the tops of furniture.

"Does it matter?' Keith asks, clipped. The room spun, his tummy flipped, and he was shivering. What he needed was a quintessence exchange. "Just... I need to go to Red."

"Why do you care so much about going to Red?"

"Lan-" Keith's voice started, irritation lacing his tone. Abruptly he stops, sits up and lurches to the side of the bed, dry heaving. Lance just barely manages to grab a waste basket for him to puke his guts out.

"Red..." Keith gasps out, shaking terribly now. Lance bites his lips and shuts his mouth, helping Keith to clean up before carrying him to Red's hangar. She lets them in easy and Lance goes to the bunker, laying Keith down in it. The change was immediate. Keith sighs and burrows himself in the blankets, calming down instantly and in the next second he was out like a light.

Lance stays in the room, watching over him with pursed lips and guilt sinking in his chest.

 _Why didn't you protect him?_ Lance hears the growl, the worry, the anger. Lance sighs and sits back against the wall, feeling more guilt pile up. He should've just asked why Keith lied about it instead of ignoring him. Keith would have probably explained too, since he already told him the biggest thing.

 _I'll make it up to him, Red. I promise._ Lance sighs again, keeping a close eye on the sleeping paladin.

* * *

Keith sleeps for _days._ Lance would have been extremely worried if not for the comforting rumble of purrs from Red. Keith was alright, he was just replenishing energy he lost. It just takes a while to replenish it all at a healthy pace. At least he wasn't throwing up and the color of his mauve skin was coming back healthier.

When Keith wakes up Lance forces him to eat goo, still feeling awkward about being in the same room without haven talked about it. Keith doesn't bring it up, and neither does Lance. Lance thinks Keith is waiting, for him to make the first move. He always does, he thinks, to make sure Lance would be okay with it.

After that it was still weird and awkward, but at least they didn't ignore each other. Or, Lance didn't ignore Keith and he responded in kind when spoken to. Lance could see the team give a sigh of relief that things were semi-back to normal. Now should be the time he actually gets things back to normal.

Lance wanders around the castle to find him. It wasn't hard. If he wasn't with Red, he was training. If he wasn't there, he was either eating or showering. Lance finds him on the training desk, taking on a dozen gladiators without slowing his movements, despite him training for hours (if the sweat on his brow is anything to go by). He pants harshly as he dodges and rips apart limb after limb of the gladiator mercilessly, his robes billow around him elegantly.

It wasn't the one Lance made him. Keith didn't even touch the white robes after Lance stormed out. His robes are dark red with the black trimmings. The dark colors made his form look slighter, smaller. He casts spell after spell, Lance wonders if Keith even notices him standing by the door, just watching him, just out of reach of his attacks.

Keith never wears the paladin armor anymore. He used to wear his old druid robes until Lance made the white robes, and then afterwards he wore the paladin armor for a few days before getting the ones he currently used. Lance should ask about that too, he should really ask about everything and just shut his mouth and listen to what Keith would say. At least _try_ to understand.

Keith is panting and exhausted as the training ends, he is victorious. He turns to Lance and stares. Lance is quiet, staring back, letting the awkward silence ensue.

"Yes?" Keith asks, his voice having a slight tremor from his exertion. Lance isn't sure how to go about this and shrugs.

"Wanna sleep over?"

* * *

Keith is reluctant and skeptical about why Lance would invite him over, but he supposes he shouldn't. It was only a matter of time until they are back on civil terms. Keith went to shower and was at his door after, hair still damp but at least now he wasn't reeking of sweat.

Lance lets him in, having a plate of food for him to eat while they sit on the bed in silence.

"Why.. Did you lie?" Lance asks, his voice didn't have any of the anger or betrayal from before. He asked it hesitantly, like Keith was going to run away.

"It's... complicated.." Keith starts, sighing and setting down his half eaten plate, wondering where to start. So he starts from the beginning. From S-0. How, originally, they were never supposed to be friends until _after_ Sendak. They never got together until _after_ Lance brought him back to Voltron.

Keith takes a moment to go over tiny details, leaving out those intimate moments that didn't happen yet. He tells him about the final battle, about how he _knew_ he wouldn't survive. But he did, somehow. He was just brought back to the beginning... And then explains S-1, and then S-2. How every life his magic grew stronger. He tells of how S-2 was cut short, theories behind it.

Most importantly, he tells Lance about Mammon. About his guilt, the clenching of his heart. How he was the first kill that started it all. It was a mere accident, Keith or him, but it changed _everything._ This is the first and only time he has ever talked about Mammon to anyone besides Red. Lance has his arm around his shoulder, rubbing gentle circles into his arm as his voice cracks and he could barely make it through retelling of the second time, when he could see _and_ feel Mammon's life ending.

Mammon's family. The kit he left to be a bastard.

"Do you have any idea of what causes it?" Lance asks seriously. He is still iffy, but if Keith _is_ going through all of this, this is a big deal and needs support. Keith nods.

"I think... Lance, you can't tell anyone." When Keith looks up, his eyes are glossy and tear-ridden. Lance shuts his mouth, ready to argue that the others _needed_ to know. "No, no one. Whatever I told you, and whatever I will say, it _can't_ leave this room. This is stays between us... And the lions."

"Lions?" Keith nods.

"Red knows, Blue knows, the others know. They don't tell anyone, though. Because Red agrees this is not something that can just be out in the open like that at this moment in time..." Keith is quiet for a moment. "I'll tell the others when this is all over." Keith looks up at Lance, locking eyes, pleading.

"Promise me."

Lance sighs and kisses his head. "Promise."

Keith's body relaxes and he takes a deep breath, letting it out after a few ticks. Lance watches him carefully, seeing his expression go from doubtful to worried, anxious.

"I'm... Lance, I don't really know how to explain.. I'm not human." Lance stares, raising a brow. Keith could kick himself. "I meant that I was never born. I was _created."_ Keith looks at his lap, fiddling with his fingers and the hem of his robe on the sleeve.

Lance is quiet, too quiet.

Keith glances up to see the shell-shocked look across his face.

"What?"

"I was created." Keith says slowly. "I was made with donated DNA, literally, in a huge test tube." Keith still feels phantom shocks whenever he thinks about it. He steels himself for what he says next.

"Haggar and Zarkon are the DNA donors..."

"B-but you said the rebel Galra was your father-"

"That was what I thought in S-0." At the confused look at Lance he reiterates. "The first time I found out. But as the time went on, being sent back and fighting, then again, and again, I came to realize the only reason I knew him was because he sent me to earth." Lance is still trying to digest the information.

"This is why we can't tell the others. Until this is all over. Until _everything_ is over and Haggar is dead, and Zarkon is dead, and the empire has fallen."

Lance is still silent, watching Keith. He isn't scared; Keith takes it as a good sign.

"I think... Haggar wants to destroy all life. It's why she keeps sending me back, to grow my magic until it is ready to be harvested for her own use. Zarkon might have given her what she needed because he thought it would help his cause when in the end, it really is only for her." Keith takes a breath, and then exhales.

"This will be the last time. It ends here."

* * *

They're back in the control room, clutching each other's hands as they watch Allura survey the scene ahead of them. Galra Central Command, teeming with battle ships and drones.

Lance had kept his secret well, his mouth tight lipped about every single little thing Keith had told him. Keith's heart is hammering against his chest. The inside of his white robes provide a sense of comfort, and at the same time contribute to his disassociation. It feels so much like S-0, maybe it was a bad idea to let _everything_ play out the same.

Almost everything, at least.

"We can _do_ this." Lance murmurs in his ear, his voice is sure. "Last time, right?" He has faith in Keith, and it calms him just a little to know he had his support.

"This ends _today."_ Keith is talking about the time jumps, living life over and over again. He knows Haggar's secret and he _will_ stop her. Their whispering attracts the other's attention but soon after they go back to the window, all feeling the same amount of dread as the first time.

Allura does not know Haggar is their mother, does not know Keith is her brother. He does not tell them this time, in the end it is for the best. After Haggar and Zarkon are dead, they can live a relatively normal life.

Allura is much more determined than in either shifts, probably because she doesn't know that who she is up against is her own flesh and blood. That Keith was about to end their mother because that's the only thing he _could_ do to stop it all.

Keith thinks about all of the lives he's lived. All the shifts he's gone through, the button ring and the zap of the gem melder, _Mammon_ and his kit. Thinks about the life they'll have after this even though the same feeling of _you aren't going to make it_ seeps deep into his bones. He knows that's Haggar's magic whispering that to him.

But he will not fail this time.

"Paladins," Allura's voice is hard and ready, as ready as she could be to face the boss of a destructive empire. "Get to your lions."

Keith looks around, locks eyes with the rest. They weren't ready. They never were. But as he locks eyes with Lance, he feels determination overcoming the gnawing feeling of failure and he _was ready_. The same expression reflected in Lance's eyes. The fear was still there, twinkling in his eyes. But Lance was ready too. Ready to end this, as Keith had said, to end everything.

They won't know the outcome of that until after it is done. Maybe Keith _won't_ survive putting everything back to normal.

"I love you so fucking much.. You better come back to me."

Keith kisses him back with urgency. His heart is wild and unyielding. But this was the first and only time he responds before Lance is leaving for his hangar.

"I will."

Keith doesn't run after him. He watches Lance disappear around the corner and he breathes deep.

Hold. Exhale. Repeat.

* * *

Red is roaring in his head, Keith swerves them from the oncoming gunfire and sends out his own.

Somehow everything is much more chaotic than the first time around.

Everything is loud, too loud. Screaming, red flashing lights on his dash to tell him of his damage. His body is tired from fighting but he keeps pushing, has too.

And there she was, Haggar, in all her glory. Building up her magic.

Keith builds his up as well, letting Red take over on autopilot as he feels everything around him spark to life, accumulating around his body and inside the cockpit, starting to crowd around Red.

The heat is sucked from him in seconds and he feels as cold as the void. He doesn't think about that. He doesn't let Haggar's infuriating smirk knock him off course. Doesn't let the building, blinding, glaringly magenta light deter him from his goal. The intensity is growing, more and more, much more than any other times. Because he _knew_.

Keith could hear Lance's voice call his name in rising urgency, echoing his in his mind.

The light is expanding, colliding, crashing into each other and sending everything _flying_. It hurts his head; his body feels like it's no longer there.

But this time, he could read it. The energy enveloping him, the colliding atoms. The very _being_ of them shimmers and wiggles around and start to rearrange.

Keith doesn't fight it this time, because he doesn't _need_ too.

 _"You better come back to me."_

 _I'll come back to you, Lance. I promise._

* * *

A/N: Hello! Thanks for sticking around. This following chapter will provide _a lot_ of insight into what the fuck ever is happening in this world.

Enjoy the read and stick around for the last and final installation of _Kosmonat_ ,

 _New Horizons_!

I promise it's a happy ending. :3c

Also, the song is The Silence by PAZ!


End file.
